Some people sent their badges back to BSA National. The cynic in me thought that it would annoy the BSA more for an "open and avowed" homosexual to hold on to it. The idealist in me was thinking about the day that they'd finally come to their senses, and I'd finally be able to take my badge out of my sock drawer.
I procrastinated like everyone else at that age. But I worked hard for that badge. And I learned a lot from my troop — how to camp, canoe, and hike, but also how to deal with people, how to lead, how to be patient. How to use axes and knives even though axes and knives freak you out. How to keep trudging along even when it's raining and you have the stomach flu and you haven't showered in a couple days. How to appreciate a camp stove meal and the beauty of a mountain morning.
And I spent time with my father, probably some of the closest times I've ever spent with him.
I was determined to finish up the Eagle, and I did. I turned in my paperwork 2 days ahead of my 18th birthday. I sailed through my Board of Review — probably as one of the few prospective Ivy Leaguers they'd seen in a while.
A couple years later, I grew up a bit more, and came to terms with who I was. Being out has been great. But it's also meant that I've had to downplay my Scouting past. It also means that unless things change, I won't be able to wear that badge or my uniform in public (thanks to both personal conscience and institutional frowning). It means that unless things change, I won't be able to share Scouting with my son, certainly not as much as my dad did with me.
It meant that I had to live a lie — or at the very least, a tacit omission — in order to become an Eagle Scout.
So my badge is still in my sock drawer. And I'm waiting.
It looked this week like we had an opening. For the first time ever, the BSA said it was "considering" lifting the ban. But it looks like we're going to have to keep waiting. Today, the National Executive Board decided to keep the ban while they form a "task force" to look at the issue.
One quote in particular stood out to me:
“You don’t need to form a task force to know that discrimination is wrong,” said Jennifer Tyrrell, a lesbian mother from Bridgeport, Ohio, who was ousted as the leader of her son’s Cub Scout Pack in April 2012 because of her sexual orientation. “I had to tell my family and my son that the Boy Scouts of America didn’t think I was good enough to be their den leader, all because of my sexual orientation. No parent should have to do that, yet today the Boy Scouts told America showed that they don’t have the courage to condemn this kind of discrimination.”
The family values crowd has been pushing back against lifting the gay ban. But they couch their language in vague, cushy terms like "values," and "the issue," and "tradition." The BSA is forming this task force because they decided "this issue" had too much "complexity" to make a clear decision right away.
This is not an "issue." These are people. These are insecure preteen and teenage boys, many of whom already hear in their churches, locker rooms, etc. how bad and weird and sinful they are, who are looking for at least one organization that welcomes them. These are children who are being explicitly told that their parents are worth less than "normal" parents, and aren't welcome to participate in the troop with them. These are young men who have to lie about who they are in order to stay with the organization they love.
This is not complex. A Scout is supposed to be Brave: where is the courage here? Where are the "timeless values" in reinforcing intolerance, religious dogmatism, self-loathing, and dishonesty?
At least there's some hope. They didn't completely rule out changing things. Maybe this "task force" will come to the right conclusion on "this issue."
All we can do is keep pressuring, speaking out, protesting. And waiting.
